


hell-flavored and utterly stupid

by honeyseong



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Comedy, F/M, also wtf i wrote a fic with no sadness in it?? weird, author is ooc, i wrote this in a day, not actually dating yet, this is a crackhead fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyseong/pseuds/honeyseong
Summary: Just another day in the life of MC and Mammon.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Mammon/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 310





	hell-flavored and utterly stupid

Last night was a blur.

No, there wasn’t any alcohol involved— you were hundreds of years a minor in Devildom’s laws— but everything felt so hazy. Maybe you were just extremely tired from studying that day? No, that can’t be right, you hate studying (and Mammon hates you for still managing to get good grades somehow).

The only lead you had was that you do remember ending the day with a horror movie and snacks. You couldn’t really eat much of the cuisine in Devildom, since bat wings and pure, undiluted poison don’t really sit well in the human stomach. Luckily for you, you were saving a massive bar of chocolate from the human world. Milk chocolate, your favorite. Lucifer bought it for you as thanks for helping him pick out a food gift for Beel, who actually would’ve appreciated any type of food, to be honest.

You peeled back the wrapper, ready to chomp down on the delicious sweet chocolate bar… then Levi spotted you and gave you the most adorable puppy eyes you’d ever seen, and you let him take the first bite instead. He had never tried chocolate before, despite having the biggest sweet tooth (apart from yourself), and he immediately loved it. He probably would’ve said something like ‘Hmm, not bad for a normie!’ if he weren’t so invested in the chocolate. The look on his face was so precious that you ended up just giving the whole bar to him.

Anyway, that left you with no food, but fortunately, your Devildom caretaker was here for the rescue! He plopped down beside you, rambling on about how he wasn’t really scared of horror, and the reason he moved seats is because you might have been scared! And he needed to protect you because he’s your assigned protector! And it’s also definitely not because he likes you or anything, dummy!

You were so hungry that night that you just let him ramble on and put his arm around your shoulder. You didn’t even tease him one bit, apart from a sarcastic “sure, Mammon” that was almost completely drained out by the sound of your stomach growling.

Well that was extremely embarrassing.

Mammon decided not to comment on it, instead taking your hand as you let him lead you into the kitchen.

“You’re hungry right?”

“Well, duh. And all the human food Satan cooked for dinner was finished by Beel.”

Mammon thought for a second— something that doesn’t happen often— and then his face lit up.

“You wanna try my favorite snack? It’s just noodles, so humans can eat that, right?”

“Oh, yeah! Thanks for offering!”

The second-born took out a cup of noodles and poured some boiling water on it. So cup noodles are made the same way in the Devildom. Huh. After about a minute of waiting in silence, Mammon handed you the hot cup and a pair of chopsticks.

“I think it’s about ready,” he said, flashing his usual cheery smile.

“Okay, thanks for the meal!” you replied, in a singsong fashion, slurping a huge mouthful of noodles.

Wait, no one said it was fucking Hell-flavored.

Your entire mouth burned, and you began to cry from both the level of spice and the pain.

“Mammon, I’m a human. How the fuck did you expect me to eat this.” You felt extremely light-headed all of a sudden, wobbling a bit.

“Oh SHIT!” Mammon shouted, rushing towards you.

And with that, you passed out.

\---

The next morning was a fever dream. You woke up, cold and alone, reaching out at empty sheets when no one was beside you.

Wait, what? You were in bed?

You were fully conscious now, rubbing your tired eyes and burrowing further into the warm sheets— wait, this wasn’t your bed. What happened the night before? Was it all a dream?

Your head hurt like hell, and your mouth was almost completely numb, so it was probably all real. Looking around the room, you realized it was Mammon’s. He had cleaned his room up a bit from the last time you visited, but he wasn’t in the room.

Groggily pawing for your D.D.D on the bedside table, you wanted to check the time, only to see three unread messages from Mammon, all sent less than an hour ago. You almost panicked about school, before realizing that it was the weekend now. Sighing in relief, you stretched a bit then checked the messages.

The first one was a photo of yourself sleeping in his bed.

‘I’m the only one who gets to see this’ he sent, followed by a cute sticker of a demon sending a heart.

You sent back a sticker of a weird bird demon looking shocked and smiled to yourself.

‘Oh, you’re awake!’ Mammon replied almost immediately, which wasn’t actually that surprising.

‘You’re probably wondering why you’re in my room, but it’s because your door was locked, and I didn’t want the others to find out that I almost killed you with cup noodles.’

‘And yep, carried you there by myself. I’m pretty strong, right?’ Whatever you say Stupidmammon.

‘Wait’

‘I’m not saying you’re fat or anything.’

You sent the same shocked sticker again, three times actually. You weren’t even concerned about your weight, but teasing Mammon was too fun.

‘NO I DIDN’T MEAN IT THAT WAY’

‘Hey, don’t leave me on read!’

Mammon sent a sticker of a character crying.

‘I’m kidding, Mammon’

‘Anyway, where are you? I just woke up’

‘We’re eating breakfast. Asmo’s on cooking duty today, so don’t expect much.’

Stepping out of bed, you remembered you were still in Mammon’s room and wearing your pajamas from last night. You didn’t have any clothes here. You exhaled loudly, realizing that you’d have to wear Mammon’s clothes. Thank goodness it wasn’t a school day.

After changing into a baggy shirt (you decided to keep the same pants since obviously none of his fit) and throwing on a hoodie, you fixed yourself up a bit in the bathroom before putting on a pair of slippers and heading out the door.

As soon as you swung open the door, you saw Levi walking the same way. He stopped in his tracks and did something of a double take before bursting into laughter and going on his phone.

“LMAO Mammon and MC slept together!” he read out loud as he typed, and you could hear the sound of the message sending, followed by the vibration of your D.D.D in your pocket. Fuck.

“Uh, hi Levi,” you said tentatively, waving slightly at the otaku before rushing to your room and changing into more suitable clothing. You chose to keep the hoodie on. After all, it was comfy and Mammon never wore it, anyway. No one would notice that it was his.

\---

Everyone noticed when you arrived for breakfast. They had all seen the message Levi sent, too, which made things worse.

“Is that Mammon’s hoodie?” Asmo was the first to speak. You wanted to punch that smirk off his face, but instead just grumbled and sat down at the last empty seat, which just so happened to be beside the Avatar of Greed.

“So what if it is?” You replied, shoving the (human world) pancakes into your mouth to stop you from saying anything you’d regret.

“Oh, nothing.” His smugness was insanely annoying.

The other brothers soon changed the topic, but you were too exhausted to try and pay attention. What was weird was that Mammon hadn’t said anything so far. You turned to him, and he looked back at you.

“That’s my hoodie.” he said, quieter than usual.

“Yeah,” you replied. “It’s comfy.” The atmosphere was tense. You were still making eye-contact, but no words were exchanged.

“You look like you wanna say something.” You spoke again, trying to break the silence for good.

“No, it’s just- it looks good on you. You can keep it, if you want.” Mammon looked away, but you could see red tinge of blush on the tips of his ears.

“Mammon, MC,” Lucifer’s voice boomed, and you could swear the second-born jumped in his seat.

“Uhh, yeah?”

“Do either of you want to explain why MC in your room last night?”

There was a perfectly valid reason, but neither of you spoke.

“C’mon,” Asmo cut in. “Just admit you fucked.”

“WHAT??” Mammon shrieked. “WE DIDN’T!” You would’ve retorted too, but your mouth was stuffed with pancakes, and shouting would’ve made you choke.

“Sure… What’s the real reason then?”

“I passed out from eating noodles,” you said, much too confidently, and finally ended up choking on your pancakes.

“You know what? That’s pretty believable,” said Satan.

Everyone burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> CHAPTER 15 AND 16 ARE OUT so i wrote this quickly to celebrate!! also what social media sites do you use because apparently no one uses twitter in the obey me! fandom??


End file.
